Saturday, September 15, 2007

So where is it written "thou shalt esteem thyself"?

Oh I'm well in the middle of a self self self event. I so hate them. Times when I look around and think well if I'd done this that or the other properly or better or at all I wouldn't have this problem now. Times when I realise with horror what I've just said or done. Times when it's perfectly clear that I'm never ever going to be the person I think I want to be. Times when I look at myself and really don't like much what I see and see it all too clearly in spite of a rash of excuses and prevarications. Times when everything I hear or see either makes me think 'look at what they have to go through, what am I making such a fuss about' or 'so what have they got to make such a fuss about look what I'm going through'. Times when loving my neighbour as myself is such a bad and inadequate idea. (Just as well they're away).
Times when someone seems to be looking over my shoulder and saying "oh you are such a feeble excuse..."
Times when social ineptness overcomes me and feels like THE MOST ENORMOUS ZIT. (which usually I don't bother about so much though I do get a bit secretive about my poor badly treated toes)
And how is it possible to feel, at the same time, too timid to say anything at all and so much in search of attention that I can blather on for ages after everyone else has gone quiet and glazed with bored embarrassment.
Bah Humbug!

Oh, self esteem. Right. That. Whatever it is.
I have recently read three, no, four, posts which seem to be about that interesting and desirable commodity. All the writers of those posts seem to me to be greatly deserving of it. Besides having written about it and around it interestingly and thoughtfully.

I think it's time to turn my head off. Restart.

Well at least I deleted the first version of this!

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5 comments:

At 10:50 PM, Blogger I, Like The View said...

it's a bizarre notion, isn't it

and sometimes I think (personally for me, I mean) a self indulgent one to be conemtplating - when some people in some places or at some times have to work so hard for the basic commodities of life

makes me think of that old triangle of Maslow's. . .

time for reflection is always good tho, and if one has time to reflect and take stock - all the better

at the end of the day, we just live our lives, don't we

in the best way we can

I know this is true of you

(saw an old Grand Designs today, with someone thatching with Norfolk Reed rather than Hampshire straw - I thought of Barney, and I thought of you - and I thought "thank g*d for blogging! I've met such wonderful people)

XX

 
At 11:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's brought this on Mig?? I'm just round the corner if you fancy a coffee/rant/whinge/ear to bend ...

 
At 12:09 AM, Blogger mig bardsley said...

I agree,time for reflection and taking stock is good. When you're ready for it:) And a bit of self indulgence is no bad thing either. Oh and I think I remember that thatched grand design :)And I do have, on my desk, a certain little book which I occasionally smile at and think 'blogging - wonderful people' :)

It's OK, Thursday, it was a temporary small (and dull) explosion after a run of small and dull frustrations :) Ending up, now I think about it some more, with me feeling very cross because the sun didn't shine three times in a row after I had got up early! A Canute moment!

 
At 1:28 AM, Blogger Mel said...

excuse me whilest I grumble about my comment being eaten/ate....gobbled up?

*grumbling*

Yaknow.....a bit of reflection and inventory isn't a bad thing--human beings have this gift to help them keep growing into all that they are.

And I happen to have impecable taste when it comes to choosing friends, thanksverymuch!
So......backoff! ;-)
....and be nicer to my friend, wouldya?!


And whilest you're AT it, tell MOOFIE, the comment eating monster, to find something else to munch on!
Hmmmmmmph!

 
At 2:59 PM, Blogger mig bardsley said...

I had a threw a few choice words at the moofie last night Mel for the same reason.
But we must allow ourselves to be human from time to time don't you think? Perfection is dull:) Reality is an occasional grouch and a change in seasons.
(I have no quarrel with your taste in friends though :)

 

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