There's a hole in my pocket

And every time I get up from the desk, a cigarette lighter falls out of it, down my trouser leg and onto the floor.
You'd think I'd have mended it (or at least learnt to put the lighter in the other pocket) by now. But it seems not. In fact it took me half a day to work out why, every time I got up, a lighter magically appeared on the floor by my feet! At this rate I may venture up into the eyrie to talk to the sewing machine, oh, by about midday tomorrow?
Meanwhile I have to fill up the 'new' 'gift horse' dishwasher. Again.
Not that I'm looking it in the mouth or anything like that. But while studiously not looking in its mouth, I can't help noticing that it doesn't take an awful lot of dishes. If you attempt for instance, leaning two little pyrex casseroles against each other it positively revels in sweeping all the stuff that ought to end up in the filter into one of the casseroles, thus rendering it dirtier when it comes out than when it went in. I'm sure this isn't how these things are supposed to work? So I'm doing two doshwishes for one these days* and though it's a very quick wash I do wonder how much more power, water and nasty chemicals we're getting through. Well I could invest in some eco-chemicals though the investment would be VERY LARGE since they cost twice as much as the evil kind. (and a quick burst of uncharacteristic arithmetic tells me this will eventually cost four times the original amount)
Well my best friend can't swim twice a week with me any more so I've been taking the dog out as a kind of alternative exercise. And since I can't be outside without it, I also take the camera. This arrangement isn't completely satisfactory for either of them, since every time I want to take a photo I have to tie the dog up first and every time the dog gets very excited about a smell in the distance it seems to be time to tie him up. The best arrangement is to tie the dog to my leg and shout at him a lot while I take the photo**. This doesn't work so well if I need to crouch down to take the photo though as he immediately imagines that I have finally gone completely off my rocker and have decided therefore to show him affection in a positively doggy way while halfway up a bank peering through some barbed wire at a distant blob. He thinks this idea rocks and that I should also. Easily achieved with a quick nudge.
So today I have taken several photos of a large black.... well a large black really. Nothing else much in shot except on one occasion a large sort of green and brown with a blobby twig in the middle.
The three of us need practice is all. And it's important that I remember what settings I last used (while fending off an importunately friendly, wet nose) since the settings that work quite well in the dim woodland undergrowth, produce an entirely unwelcome result when golden sunlight floods the wide open spaces and, dammit, a buzzard sails across the field, gilded by a shaft of sunlight and places itself dead centre as I click. It would have been the best picture of the day.
Where on earth is my lighter? Oh right. I finally remembered to put it in the other pocket.
I think for the moment I'll do my own pictures. I don't think the dog could have done this one. (I had to hold the camera way over my head for a start and his head doesn't come up to way over mine.)
Now I have to go to bed - naturally. There's a nice moon lying on his back out there. Are you all watching it too?
:)

*which is of course, one for the price of two
**What would be really good and efficient would be if the dog could take the photos, then I would only have to look after the dog. And then I could make a huge amount of money as a the owner and trainer of the world's only photographer dog***
***there must be a succinct and grammatical way to put this but I can't find it.