Them fashion whotsit guru pwople*

You know, Trinny and Woozy or Suzy and Vinnie or whatever they called themselves.
Turning people into other people which I have to say they did quite well. It made me feel slightly queasy actually. I mean there was one woman, middle aged, slightly scatty, horsey, active, energetic and colourful. True, she didn't generally look neat or smart but she looked fun and lively. I seem to remember at the start of the programme she wore pastel slightly fluffy and frilly tops with jeans. Her hair was fairish and fluffy and a bit disorganised.
So T and S went to work on her and did all the ritual spying and throwing out of her old stuff, complete with solemn disparagement and shrieks of not-very-funny sarcasm.
Then they took her shopping and got her hair done over, and presented finally a rather solemn, mournful woman wearing some sort of brownish, greyish, fawnish outfit with straight, floppy brownish hair.

Much smarter. Much tidier. Much more in keeping with her age. Er, more fashionable, I think.
So having torn her old look to shreds (on the twin bases that it was unsuitable for a woman her age and wasn't fashionable), they made her up a new look which, personally, I felt wouldn't have made anyone feel positive or enthusiastic about anything. But that's not what fashion is about is it. It's about making everyone scared to look too different. It's about wearing the same feathers in the big fashion nest. It's about being scared to stand out in the crowd. It can even be about being the loudest and most noticeable bird wearing today's fashionable feathers. The same as everyone else but more noisily.

Now me, I like to look like myself, you know, the person I believe lives inside my clothes. At my age, fashion doesn't really cater for that person so I have to borrow bits and pieces and add them to my older stuff and the result is probably a bit of a fashion muddle. It does the job. It's true there are times when I'd like to look different from the essential me that looks out from inside the dressing up but I'm not terribly good at disguise.

Vrizzle and Wurny could undoubtedly make me look like a different sort of person though I suspect the look would disintegrate as soon as I sat down or ate or drank or got hot or cold or tired or whatever! Still, if I wanted to look older and more dignified and smarter, I bet they could do it for me long enough to get the final shot in the programme! (I forgot to say, "but I bet I wouldn't like it" Maybe that was obvious?)

So, however much you might think my look needs improving (not that anyone has ever shown the slightest hint of wanting to do so), don't, please, send my details to T and S.
(Though I do suddenly wonder, if they give you all that money to buy their choice of clothing, would you be able to take all the clothes back next day and change them?)

Right. I've done that. Now for some windows.
This one even had a chap sneaking a tea break fag in it.And doors


*You may recall I accidentally invented this word for persons who I would normally call 'Them'.